That Small Thing Called School

Judging by all my previous blog posts, it would appear that all I do here is whine, travel around and celebrate various occasions - and never actually go to school. But on the contrary, that is how most of my time is occupied and of course, I wouldn't be an exchange student without it! The main reason I AM an exchange student is to go to school and experience the life of an average teenager in Austria. Plus going to school gives me something to do every day - a way to get out the house, but most importantly provides me an easy environment to meet people my own age and to learn lots of German in a HUGE variety of subjects! So as I'm sure you're all able to guess, this is going to be a post about one of the biggest aspects of my life here.


Because I've moved around quite a bit, I am already at my third school within four months, and they haven't been easy transitions. I'll start with this.
I always wanted to be the new girl. You watch all these American movies or TV shows about the new girl going to high school. Sure, she may have some difficulties at first, but it's always exciting. She's interesting, no one knows where she came from, where she fits in. I always thought it would be an exciting adventure to be "the new girl" as they always make it out to be (yes, you may think I'm a little ridiculous). And I think in some ways it IS (and has been) exciting, but once again I may have had a few over-the-top expectations, and a few things that were not expected, or simply didn't exist:

•  I'm not going to an English-speaking school. In a lot of ways that makes me MORE interesting, but it also makes it REALLY hard to make friends. You're of interest to people for the first couple of days, maybe weeks, but then it becomes normal, they have better things to do than try and strike up conversations. YOU have to talk to people. And when you literally don't know how to talk to people, that gives you a great disadvantage.
  I thought I would be the same person when I came here. I would have called myself happy, positive, outgoing and friendly. Ready to talk to people if they wanted to, and ready to strike up a conversation. When I left I realised just how many people cared for me though, and started wondering why I was actually leaving. But then I remembered: I've watched exchange students before - being the centre of attention, supposedly so happy, surrounded by 'friends' - and I'm sure some of them were! But some of them were probably just crying inside wishing for their own friends, their own school, their own language. It's amazing how well some people can hide their emotions.
• Too much of a good thing. Being the new girl once was pretty exciting. Very daunting at the same time, but still exciting. Twice was pretty good because I knew more of what to expect, but it was really hard to do everything all over again. Three times was horrible. I knew I wouldn't make instantaneous friends, I'd already made friends in my last school and didn't want to leave them and the comfort I was just starting to find with them. It's not fun.
• I never realised just how much of an impact being a twin would make on my life. I was never the girl alone in the corner - I always had Tim. I never had to figure out how to make friends quickly - I always had Tim to wait with me until the time came. And it's simply a lot easier when EVERYONE'S new (i.e. Primary School [but as if that even counts] and High School). So I never really formed this survival technique of making friends for myself without the support of another. And that's been the hardest part for me.
  I've never spent so much time "on my own" before. I've never had to catch the bus home without knowing there was someone to share my day with somewhere. I've always had someone to laugh at teachers or fellow students with, to help with homework, to just be there. And that's a huge thing to be without so suddenly after 18 years, when I now need to speak German with everyone and when all of my family is on the other side of the world. I know that having to experience that all by yourself is just totally normal life for basically everyone else my age - and I am well aware that we wouldn't have spent the rest of our lives together, but that doesn't mean it's not hard!

This blog post could go on forever. But I'm going to end it there as an introduction, and do separate ones for each of my schools:

• School One: BG Ödenburger Straße
• School Two: BORG Straßwalchen
• School Three: BORG 20 Brigittenauer Gymnasium

Woooooooooooooooooooooo School!

Eighteen

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

To me! Two weeks ago it was my 18th birthday. To be honest I had been dreading this day as well as the Easter long weekend, basically the whole time I've been here. I mean - my 18th birthday! You only turn 18 once... I was also dreading the fact that I would have to spend it away from my twin brother. This year has been hard enough already without him and having a birthday (let alone a 'big' one) just seemed impossible... But, I actually had a wonderfully pleasant surprise and had a really lovely day - probably one of the best I've had here yet! I will start at the very beginning though, because I had a few celebratory days. The first letters started arriving a week before my birthday, and letters are the best. There's something completely wonderful about receiving things in the mail. Knowing that the person you're corresponding with was the last person to touch what's inside that mysterious envelope. Well, that's how I find it at least :) 

On Friday the 15th of April I had band as usual. It was one of the other member's birthday as well, and so a whole heap of us went to a local Heuriger (like a little traditional wine-tavern: they're EVERYWHERE in my area) and had a couple of drinks and nibblies. It was lovely to celebrate his birthday and mine as well (early!) and I ended up getting home about 12 - REALLY LATE. I get so tired here, so it was difficult and a really long day. It was nice to be out with people though.

On Monday (18th) Spring holidays started (YAAAAAAAAAY), and I caught up with the other 2 Aussie exchange students for a wonderful day in Vienna. Katherine was staying over at Jess's house for a few days, so I met up with them and it was just so wonderful to see them and to be able to talk to people and just have some good Aussie fun and company. We met on Mariahilfe Straße which is the main (or most well-known) shopping street in Vienna and has quite a nice variety of shops. We each bought some new clothes for ourselves (because you can't bring enough clothes in your suitcase to last a year!), wandered slowly, had lunch and gelatos and went to 'Thaila' the big international bookshop. AKA my new best friend. It's SUCH a good bookshop and has a huge English section, as well as a really comprehensive German section. We probably spent about an hour in there reading and it was just nice to sit down with a book with friends in companionable silence. From there we moved on to the highlight of my day: the Aussie pub in Vienna!!

We walked in, and everything's decorated with Aussie road signs and things and of course lots of beer signs. Especially for Fosters which for some reason everyone thinks we drink, but no one actually does... Here's the website if you want to check out more about it! Anyway. We went downstairs and sat at a table, generally admiring the Aussieness of it all and being bubbly and happy. Because I was the birthday girl, Jess and Katherine really kindly bought me my drinks and dinner which made me feel very special and happy! Everything was pretty overpriced and the waiters were all American or British, but we had a lot of fun and were very loud and raucous nonetheless. 

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Jess's kangaroo burger! Yay for good Aussie burgers, but ESPECIALLY the chips!

Jess, me and Katherine digging into my birthday cake :)

We ordered one slice of "Grandma's Mud Cake" because we were so stuffed after our burgers that we couldn't eat one each! The waitress brought it out with a FIREWORK CANDLE (it literally said that on it!) which was shooting flames everywhere, and was honestly the best birthday candle I've ever seen. Jess and Katherine sang happy birthday to me VERY LOUDLY and then we dug in. It was lovely to have a loud, honest catch-up with some friends.

On Wednesday was my actual birthday.

I was woken up about 7.30am to my WHOLE host family opening the door and walking into my room singing happy birthday carrying a cake aflame with candles and with Georg toting the camera. It was a little overwhelming but so lovely! They made me blow out the candles then we all went down to have a lovely breakfast.

Super delicious cake with German, Aussie and Austrian flags on :)

On the small table in the kitchen was sitting all my cards and presents. From Omas and Opas, a huge parcel from my family, from friends and from my last host family. I was really overwhelmed then, and I wasn’t quite sure what to do first – breakfast or pressies! But Nine seemed pretty keen for me to open things. I started opening cards and just felt so sprinkled with love it was unbelievable. I was especially in awe and SO happy at the present my host family gave me – a ticket to the Ballet at the Viennese State Opera House, plus a pair of earrings, plus what we did for the rest of the day AND just hosting me in the first place. I feel so blessed to have such loving, kind and genorous people as a family here! After breakfast I skyped home and was lucky enough to speak to my whole family and wish Tim a happy birthday, for 1 hour 20 mins. It was amazingly wonderful and just reminded me again why I love them so much. I unpacked my big parcel over the phone, which included practical things like more Summer clothes, but also some really special things just for me :) Gotta love the amazing technologies we have these days!

While on the phone the door bell rang so I went down to get it. It was the post for me!! The post man had a HUGE bunch of flowers for me which I had to sign for. I was absolutely captivated. Who would be sending me flowers in Austria? I went inside and unwrapped them, and inside was a card from two of my BESTEST FRIENDS! It made me feel so so so loved! So I proudly showed my family over Skype. After hanging up, I went out with Nine and Freya for the day (Theo had kindergarten, Carl soccer camp and Georg work). We went to Schönbrunn Palace which is the former Imperial Summer Residence for the monarchy in Austria. It has over 1400 rooms (although we only looked in 40...) and it is completely over the top and AMAZING. It really made me want to become a conservator or historian more than ever and just blew me away with the depth of history and culture.

Grounds of Schönbrunn

Me on the stairs - just for a bit of perspective

The lines were reasonably long (although not too much so - we only had to wait half an hour) because it was an absolutely gorgeous Spring day and so there were a lot of tourists. We had a little time to wander around, and luckily enough there was an Easter market in the grounds of the castle. Every time I go out and see a bit more of Vienna I realise how much more there still IS to see and that there's a surprise waiting for you around every corner! I've always loved markets so I was really happy to be able to look around a traditional Austrian one. There were stalls selling all kinds of things, from traditional kids toys, pottery, hand-painted hand-blown eggs, dumplings, wood crafts, beeswax, and books.

One of the bright, colourful toy stores!

Beautiful hand-painted Austrian porcelain.

After the tour (which was mind-blowing) we had a yummy lunch bought from the market. I realised something which amused me - one of those little ways I've changed. I was sharing my food with Freya, just a fork-full here and there, and I suddenly thought how different I was. At the beginning of my exchange I would never have thought of doing that, but after so long it just came naturally - that's just the way it is! Then we did lots of walking through the palace gardens (which are GINORMOUS and beautiful).

Spring!!

Eventually we left to pick up Theo from kindergarten and Carl from soccer and I was feeling really happy about the day. We went home and ate my delicious cake outside in the garden in the beautiful Spring sunshine with a lovely cool breeze. I ended up lazing around outside for hours, eating, laying in the hammock, listening to music, sewing. That's what life's really about I think and it was nice having my birthday in Spring as oppose to the normal Autumn. Eventually Georg came home and we all got ready to go out for dinner.

Theo being a bit of a clown just outside the house before we left.

For dinner, at my request, we went to an Italian restaurant. There happens to be one just down the road so we walked there in the cool, dusky evening. The food was delicious and Nine and I reflected on our day with Georg and just talked about whatever. We left around 8.30 to go home which was pretty late for the kids. I raced Theo and Carl most of the way up the hill in high heels. It was good to find out I can still run in them but I was pretty stuffed! I love this family and I feel pretty happy most days when I'm with them. I just feel so comfortable and like we have just so much in common.

My table full of love. ♥ Cards and presents and FLOWERS(!!) galore :D 

So, I'm 18 now. Sometimes I feel different when I say that, but I'm sure that's just a mind thing. 18 used to be this huge incredible age. People who were 18 were adults; had maturity, responsibility, knowledge.  Sometimes my chest puffs up with the thought of myself being 18 but then I realise it's just an 'age' and doesn't mean anything. It doesn't mean I'm not still a kid, that I don't still love and adore my parents and value their opinion above anything else. That I don't still get sad and cry and hug my teddy. That i don't run around hills in Austria singing "The Hills Are Alive With The Sound Of Music" at the top of my lungs. And it definitely doesn't mean I know what I'm doing with my life and what direction it will take next. In fact, I think you're more sure of what you want to be when you're "grown up" as a child than you do when you actually "grow up". (I know I used to want to be a butterfly. Then a dancer. Then, then, then...) I'm still a kid. And I'm ok with that.

Three Months of Thoughts

So it's been a little more than three months since I've been in Austria (101 days to be exact!) and it's been three months of thoughts. Tears, laughter, grief, ecstasy, excitement, confusion, depression. I've felt it all.

My whole life has changed. It's incredible to think how much can change in so little time. It's not just that I've moved to Vienna, but it's this whole stage of my life which is just a huge turning point. Even if I had stayed in Australia things would have been really different. Being here, I've often wondered to myself why I never heard more about people my age having these huge crises about finishing school, growing up, having to be responsible and make 'life decisions'. Surely I'm not the only one? No, I know I'm not the only one. Maybe it's just that you never think about it until you're really forced to face it for yourself. I don't know. It's that whole uncertainty of whether you're a kid or an adult, when really I feel like neither. Living away from home, doing this exchange, is kind of just like moving out. It's been confusing for me because my host siblings are so young, so I'm not a kid in that respect, but over here I've felt younger and more needy than I have in a very long time.

Anyway. It's been a difficult thing for me to realise that this life I've known and lived for the past 18 years - living with my family, going to school, seeing my friends every day, sharing that all with the same people - has in a way just all gone. Everyone said to me when I was worried about going on exchange and everything, worrying about things changing, that things will be the same when I get back. Nothing will have really changed. Canberra will still be the same old, boring place. I think in a lot of ways that's true and life will still go on, but the thing is I'VE changed. It's something I don't want to admit sometimes. And it's a scary thing. It's a scary thing to face each day with more new thoughts and realisations about the world - things that I would never have learnt other than by coming here. I have so much appreciation for all the things in my life. My incredible family - each and every one of them, my wonderful, dedicated friends, my amazing education. All the things I took so much for granted. And things I would NEVER, EVER think about. Being able to speak to people, talk to them and ask them anything I wanted. Knowing how to get to and from home everyday. Knowing my way around the city, who lived where, what was what. My whole view on everything in my life has changed.

Somedays I feel really impatient. I feel like I'm just in limbo, not really doing anything useful. Like I should be out saving the world, living the life. Going to uni or working or travelling. I get impatient because there are so many things to do and so little time. Then I feel impatient because there's too MUCH time and not enough to do. Sometimes I feel like I'll never be content, I'll never be happy with where I am or what I'm doing, no matter how hard I try. Sometimes I stop trying then live in the moment, never wanting to do anything else and just loving my life as it is. And then I see something shiny in my thoughts and get distracted. It's funny - over here I've been told that I'm a very reflective person. People are impressed with some of the (rubbish) thoughts I come up with. And then I get told that I'm TOO reflective and that I'm thinking too much. I think this last part is definitely true. I spend the majority of my days thinking even when I'm doing other things. I guess I try and plan my life out in my head, constantly thinking up new scenarios of what might happen and when, and whether this or that is the right decision. And then I get frustrated when I just don't know the answer. I always thought life would be pretty clear, but it's not!

I guess this has been a bit of a rambling post. Sometimes you just need to get out all those thoughts from your head and wave them goodbye.

Deutschland!

I got a haircut! Yay!

In other news though (prepare for a long post!), over last weekend (From Friday 18th-Sunday 20th) I went on a trip to Germany with my host Papa Georg, Carl and Theo! So. We set off on Friday evening about 6.30pm in the miserable, cold rain. It had been miserable and raining for the last few days, and it wasn't any exception then! Driving, driving, driving. Our destination was Magdeburg - about an hour west of Berlin and the route we were to take was from Vienna, up through the Czech Republic, passing through Brno (or 'Brünn' in German) and Prague, then into Germany, passing through Dresden, Leipzig and then to Magdeburg! The drive took about 7 hours all up, but I love long car trips and it reminded me a lot of trips I would take with my family in Australia. There was rain in Austria, snow in Czech Republic, then by the time we got to Germany, the skies were clear. We listened to Dire Straights through the Czech Republic, then some golden oldies. Then Georg and I talked and talked about all kinds of things: language, Australia, Germany, animals, music, work... it was really great! The last hour of the trip we listened to The Cat Empire, which was nice but difficult because it reminded me of home (although it's getting better). We arrived at Oma Nate and Opa Thommy's house (My host Mum's parents), and were sent straight to bed.

Beautiful weather as you can see...!

Saturday was a lovely, amazing and difficult day. After stumbling downstairs I joined the rest of the family and we all had breakfast together. Really lovely and German: bread, honey, jam, salami, wurst, nutella and eggs. Very yum! Nine's parents were (and are) really lovely and welcoming. Then Georg took us kids (and himself) on another 45min drive or so to a little town called Miesterhorst, to celebrate Ur Oma Charlotte's 90th birthday (Georg's great-grandmother).

On the road... ACTUALLY beautiful weather!

We went to a little cafe just down the road, where I met what felt like relative after relative after relative! It wasn't too bad, and Georg's Dad helped me draw a family tree so I could figure out who was who and what each relation was! Nine (pronounced 'Nina' - my host Mum) had given me some homework to complete at the party: 'Familien Bingo'! I got a piece of paper with about 30 different questions on (all written in German) - such as "Who has two sons?" "Who flies planes?" "Who likes to drink whisky?" "Who used to raise pigeons?" "Who can milk cows?". I looked at it and was basically completely overwhelmed. What on Earth was I supposed to do!?! How could I find any of this out?! I would have to TALK to people and ASK them! Gah! So I had to ask around - mostly getting help from the same few people (Georg's brother and father, and one of the [many] Omas!). However everyone was willing and thought it was all great fun, and it was actually really good for me, because apart from having to actually talk to people and use my German, it meant that I now know who most of the family are, and a bit of trivia about each of them!

Ur Oma Charlotte with her children - Opa Norbert and Tante Anne. Cheers to 90!

Lunch was an excellent 3 course meal, and was followed by a very traditional German 'Kaffee und Kuchen' (Coffee and Cake), where there were literally about 10 different types of AMAZING, DELICIOUS, INCREDIBLE, WONDERFUL types of traditional German cakes. They were all made by the lovely old German women, and probably all delicious - but there are only so many slices of cake one can eat after a 3-course meal! It really inspired me though. I really want to be able to go back to Australia and cook amazing German cakes. I think I'll have to rope my own Mama and Oma to help me with this!!

'Frankfurter kranz' - i.e. the most delicious cake EVER. And coffee.

As the afternoon drew on, I got a little sad, because I was thinking so much about my OWN Oma and Opa. I was watching Theo and Carl playing and being doted on by all the Germans, doing the same things I did when I was little. It was really lovely to see, and I feel so special to be part of this family and experience it all, but it was also difficult in a lot of ways. I guess being here I've been forced to face all these things about nostalgia and growing up and changes, and it's a really hard thing to do. It's hard to deal with but I guess it all just boils down to time. This kind of change is inevitable, but it doesn't make it easy to face! I had a bit of a cry, and Georg took me outside and we had a little chat about everything, and he just gave me a big hug, which was just what I needed. It was lovely :)

After the lunch and afternoon tea - around 4.30, we (the whole family) all went back to the amazing house/farm where one of the relatives lives (one of the Oma's, but I'm not sure which one). We all sat down in the living room with the adults drinking champagne/beer/schnapps, and just talked. I understood quite a bit, but after a while you just kind of stop listening... Everyone was really nice, sometimes talking to me, and I got lots of hugs and love! It's amazing. I've instantly made a whole new family, and everyone was really accepting, and it was just a lovely feeling.

An Oma trying to get the birthday balloons through the door!

The really cool (and German!) house + old stables

In the 'garden', Carl (above) and Theo were playing on the hay rolls.

(Some of) My new family! Mark, Ur Oma Annemarie, Tanja, Tante Dirte, Me, Tante Anne and Oma Heidi.

At about 8pm, Georg took us back to Magdeburg, and we basically went straight to bed. I got a special treat just as I was getting into bed though - I had an AMAZING private firework show out my window a few houses away! The perfect ending to the day.

On Sunday, after having another lovely breakfast, I went for a short walk with Oma Nate, who told me some things about the area, how the Russians had occupied most of it until about 1993, and what life used to be like there. We walked along the 'Alte Elbe' river, and she told me about it flooding and other such things. It was really interesting hearing about the history from someone who had lived there and experienced it all.

A photo to start off the day! With Theo and Carl (front) Oma Nate, Me and Opa Thommy

We then ALL went into town to show me some sights of Magdeburg! First we went to one of Hundertwasser's buildings. Check out some of his architecture - It's REALLY COOL! This particular block of apartments is called the Grüne Zitadelle or Green Citadel and was the last of Hundertwasser's projects to be completed. There's a lot of his architecture around Austria (well, he's from here...) and I've seen two of his other works: the heating plant Fernwärmewerk Spittelau and Hundertwasser-Haus, both in Vienna. Talk about crazy and funky!

Old and New...

After wandering around there for a while, I went with Georg and Oma Nate to the Magdebuger Dom (Church) for a tour. It was really lovely to see, and very, very different to all the Catholic churches I have seen in Austria. It's plain, simple and bright, where as a lot of the Catholic churches are very dark and over-the-top, usually in a strong gothic style. The tour was in German, but Oma Nate (who is also a translator like Nine) translated for me, just for this time, which was lovely of her and meant I got a lot more out of the experience. I found the whole history of the church really interesting - like the over 2000 year old baptism font from Egypt, the intricate and beautiful alabaster carvings, the graves of Otto the First and his wife and a bishop or two. I was captivated by it all! Hearing all of this history is something really great, and makes me realise how totally different and unique Australia is. I could go on and on about this Church, but if you want more info you can check it out here and here! After the long (and kind of cold) tour, we went to pick up the boys and Opa Thommy.

The Dom and with the new organ.

View of the steeples from the courtyard

A (seemingly empty) typical cobble-stone street in Magdeburg

We went home and had lunch - Kartoffelpuffer mit Apfelmus (potato cakes with apple... mush... again very German!), then we eventually set off to ANOTHER Oma and Opa's house in Halle - about an hour's drive south. It was Ur Oma Ilse's 85th birthday, so guess what: we had MORE cake! After such a long and busy weekend, it was very overwhelming, and I was asked lots of questions, and my brain just wanted to stop thinking and escape for a while! Oma Heidi (Georg's Mum... see? SO MANY RELATIVES!) was really nice and gave me a heap of hugs and looked out for me. My new family are all so nice though!

Finally, we left again and started the long drive home. Along the Autobahn is very... exciting? One of the questions which I have been asked quite a few times is "What's the speed limit in Australia?" and I usually get a pretty amusing reaction! Everyone thinks is crazy that we can only travel (legally...) at most 110km/h (130km/h in some places in the Northern Territory), and when my previous host mother in Salzburg asked me, the response was something like: "110?!?! That's so slow! The speed limit's 130 in Austria, but that's too slow, so sometimes I go 160!" I laughed about that for so long. So yes. The speed limit is legally 130km/h in Austria, but rarely seems to be enforced, but in Germany on the Autobahn, there is often no speed limit at all! Very. Scary. I can now say I've been 185km/h in a car though (NOT the fastest car on the Autobahn at any rate), and I don't know that I need to do it again any time soon!

PROOF! Although, this was before we got to 185km/h...

We stopped just before Dresden in a petrol station/shop and had a big picnic. There was LOTS of food, as both the (main) Oma's had stocked us up, so we didn't buy anything - which was a good idea, because everything was SUPER overpriced. Totally to be expected though, because it was a bit of a tourist trap and one of the only shops for kilometres. We drove all the way home, listening to music of my choice (yay!), and it was all really nice. I had a super weekend!

And the weather the whole time we were there was LOVELY. This was as we were driving home on the Autobahn. What a sight!

There's No Place Like Home

So! I know I said in my last blog post that I would post again within the next couple of days - which I promptly didn't do. I know many of you have probably been wondering what's the hip-hap-a-happening, but I simply haven't known myself, so I was at a bit of a loss as to what to tell the REST of the world.

So here goes. Much much much has been happening the last 2 weeks. So I will start at the ... end! I am now living with my first host family again - Janina, Georg and the kids, and I have officially moved here for good. To cut a long story short, basically everyone agreed that we should do what we could to make me happy and comfortable again, which has been quite a long road, but hopefully it's going to just be getting better from here! So it was decided that I go back to Vienna and we sort things out from there.

The last night at my host family's house in Salzburg was actually really nice. I had spent a few days at my area rep's flat, just to sort some stuff out and talk, but I also got to wander around Salzburg a little, and I'm really glad I got to say a proper goodbye - both to the city and my host family. That night we went to a really lovely Italian pizzeria and had a nice little farewell for me. We have decided to keep in contact (which is great!), and I'm glad I could finish my stay there on a positive note! I will miss the area and the school, the friends I made, Salzburg, and a number of aspects of my host family, but ultimately I think I will be more comfortable and happier here. Having a place to really call home is an immense relief, and I feel like I can finally and really start my exchange. I guess that sounds kind of funny, since I've already been here for more than two months now, but I had my "temporary" family first, then I never quite felt at home in Salzburg, then these last two weeks I've been in a kind of 'limbo', so now I'll finally be able to settle down. Hurrah!

I always like to have a picture of something in my blog post, just to make things a little more interesting. So to finish this post off, I'll end with this. I found this on a website, and I thought it was just so suitable:

What about Dorothy? She just wanted to go home. She knew there was no place like it. It was what she longed for and searched for. In vain she followed that yellow brick road. All she found along the way was trouble, a wicked witch, flying monkeys, magic spells, and not a moment of peace. The power to go home was within her all the time, on her feet, those shiny, red shoes.

I suggest you take a look at the rest of this article here, because it is simply lovely and sums things up well. I will be trying to post more often (Really! I mean it this time!!), so stay tuned. Over and out for now!

Two Months and Recipes

Indeed. Sourced from here :)

There is no recipe for exchange. No matter how hard I try, how much I look for one, or how many people I ask, I still have to ultimately make it all up for myself. I've been trying to face this difficulty - but that's exactly what it is at the moment: difficult. I would never have believed it possible to be in so many mind-sets all at once. In some ways, I can't believe 2 months of my exchange have already passed! 2 WHOLE MONTHS. It's crazy. In others though, they've been the longest two months of my life, and I have no idea how I'm going to get through the next however many. All these feelings spinning around: happy, sad, frustrated, depressed, elated. It's overwhelming!

This year is going to be a huge learning journey for me. I have already learnt so so much about myself, started asking myself ridiculously difficult questions, and have actually really been SEARCHING for an answer, instead of just letting them go. At the moment, I miss myself so much. These last few months have really been about finding myself, who I am, what I can cope with, why I'm here and what I'm doing with my life. Top this off with a new country, language, family (or few), plus old ones of each of these, and it's no wonder I'm exhausted! Finding yourself is a difficult task, which I think most people are never forced to face - or at least so brutally and so early on in life. I keep comparing myself to other exchange students, other people, and their experiences, wondering why I'm not the same, why I can't be like that. But that's the thing. I'm my own person. I need to have my own experiences, my own adventure, my own struggles.

Along my search for wisdom and advice, I came across this website, from which I take the following quote:

"We complain about the cross we bear but don't realize it is preparing for the dip in the road that God can see.

Whatever your cross, whatever your pain, there will always be sunshine, after the rain. 

Perhaps you may stumble, perhaps even fall; but God's always ready to answer your call. 

He knows every heartache, sees every tear, a word from His lips can calm every fear.

Your sorrows may linger throughout the night, but suddenly vanish, dawn early light.

The Saviour is waiting somewhere above, to give you His grace and send you His love. 

God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.

It is so true that people don't want to bear heavy cross. Everyone wants a smooth and less troublesome life but we do not know the deep purpose of everything why we must face challenges, failures, and fears. It is meant by God to prepare us for the future!"

Its little things like this that, piece by piece, make me that little bit calmer. Anything that doesn't kill me will just make me stronger. This post has taken a few days to actually get out into anything close to something that makes sense. A lot's been going on lately, but I'll tell you about that in another blog post within the next few days. I've had my on and off days, mostly off, but everything is slowly getting better. I find little bits of reassurance each day, which are gradually building.

I don't really feel like I have much else to write at the moment. I thought that I should commemorate the 2 months I've been here with a post, but I promise I will write more within the next few days, because I have so so much to catch up on!  Even though this may not be the typical exchange experience blog (trust me - I was expecting it to be more so too!), this is what my exchange is about at the moment, so that's what I'm writing about. Wishing everyone out there well!

Bussi!