Two Months and Recipes

Indeed. Sourced from here :)

There is no recipe for exchange. No matter how hard I try, how much I look for one, or how many people I ask, I still have to ultimately make it all up for myself. I've been trying to face this difficulty - but that's exactly what it is at the moment: difficult. I would never have believed it possible to be in so many mind-sets all at once. In some ways, I can't believe 2 months of my exchange have already passed! 2 WHOLE MONTHS. It's crazy. In others though, they've been the longest two months of my life, and I have no idea how I'm going to get through the next however many. All these feelings spinning around: happy, sad, frustrated, depressed, elated. It's overwhelming!

This year is going to be a huge learning journey for me. I have already learnt so so much about myself, started asking myself ridiculously difficult questions, and have actually really been SEARCHING for an answer, instead of just letting them go. At the moment, I miss myself so much. These last few months have really been about finding myself, who I am, what I can cope with, why I'm here and what I'm doing with my life. Top this off with a new country, language, family (or few), plus old ones of each of these, and it's no wonder I'm exhausted! Finding yourself is a difficult task, which I think most people are never forced to face - or at least so brutally and so early on in life. I keep comparing myself to other exchange students, other people, and their experiences, wondering why I'm not the same, why I can't be like that. But that's the thing. I'm my own person. I need to have my own experiences, my own adventure, my own struggles.

Along my search for wisdom and advice, I came across this website, from which I take the following quote:

"We complain about the cross we bear but don't realize it is preparing for the dip in the road that God can see.

Whatever your cross, whatever your pain, there will always be sunshine, after the rain. 

Perhaps you may stumble, perhaps even fall; but God's always ready to answer your call. 

He knows every heartache, sees every tear, a word from His lips can calm every fear.

Your sorrows may linger throughout the night, but suddenly vanish, dawn early light.

The Saviour is waiting somewhere above, to give you His grace and send you His love. 

God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.

It is so true that people don't want to bear heavy cross. Everyone wants a smooth and less troublesome life but we do not know the deep purpose of everything why we must face challenges, failures, and fears. It is meant by God to prepare us for the future!"

Its little things like this that, piece by piece, make me that little bit calmer. Anything that doesn't kill me will just make me stronger. This post has taken a few days to actually get out into anything close to something that makes sense. A lot's been going on lately, but I'll tell you about that in another blog post within the next few days. I've had my on and off days, mostly off, but everything is slowly getting better. I find little bits of reassurance each day, which are gradually building.

I don't really feel like I have much else to write at the moment. I thought that I should commemorate the 2 months I've been here with a post, but I promise I will write more within the next few days, because I have so so much to catch up on!  Even though this may not be the typical exchange experience blog (trust me - I was expecting it to be more so too!), this is what my exchange is about at the moment, so that's what I'm writing about. Wishing everyone out there well!

Bussi!

F.R.O.G.

I've been having a very interesting time of late. Well. Not interesting as such, but I have been doing a lot of thinking (far more than is healthy), and growing a lot as a person. There is no denying the growing, no matter how miserable it is making me. But growing can be a good thing. 

I'd really like to dedicate this blog post to God. Truly. Some of you may or may not know that I'm a Christian. I've never really lived up to this title, and for that I am ashamed, because being a Christian, I should be proud of my beliefs, religion and love for God. So really - this post won't have all that much to do with my exchange, but is more self-indulgent :) Feel free to read - or not! 

So, as most of you are probably aware, the last 2 weeks have been immensely difficult. My last post would have shown you just how much, but I only decided to post it along with a happier one, because otherwise everyone would be immensely worried. So here's to them: Don't be! It's been two weeks since I wrote that, and things are very slowly getting a little better. Some days I don't even cry at all! And seriously, I have been getting better. Since I came to Salzburg, I have started reading my bible and a book called Devotions for the Soul Surfer, by Bethany Hamilton. To cut a long story short - I should have done this long ago. The Bible is so full of wisdom and insight, and Devotions for the Soul Surfer is in a way even more so, because it is... 'translated' into a language that I really understand. I have learnt so much from reading these, and have calmed down a lot - also with the prayers and support of everyone back home. This is my favourite passage so far:

Matthew 6:25-34 (NIV)    

 ²⁵ “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? ²⁷ Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?

   ²⁸ “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labour or spin. ²⁹ Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendour was dressed like one of these. ³⁰ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith? ³¹ So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. ³³ But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. ³⁴ Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

This passage is very similar (i.e. almost exactly the same) to Luke 12:22-34 but it was much of a muchness which I decided to put in here. So yes. I don't need to worry (even though I do. All the time.) and I should just leave all my worries to God. Which is where the title comes in really: I've needed to remind myself of this, so I've been writing F.R.O.G. on my hand - which stands for Fully Rely On God. It works :) 

Now, I know I've made religion the only topic of this post, but really I wanted to reassure people that I'm ok, even if I'm still desperately homesick. Life isn't all that bad, and I know that I'm an INCREDIBLY lucky girl and have had so many experiences and opportunities some can't even dream of. I promise I'll be writing more soon, and I'll try to keep it positive. 

To all my friends and family, and of course, God: Thank you so much for being here when I really need you the most. I have never felt so alone, or so loved, in my entire life. It means the world to have all your support, love and prayers, and you help me grow stronger each day. I know I couldn't do this without you. I have so much more to write about, but we'll leave that for another day. 

Peace out!