Unwanted

My (few but) lovely readers!

It's been a long time since I wrote, and I'm more than aware of that! A lot of you probably already know a lot of what I've been doing, but I really do still want to keep up my blog. I'll get to that a little later though. First I'll give you the most recent and biggest news.

One of the hardest things to face in life is rejection.

Being told you're not wanted anymore.

This is a totally normal part of life. It happens every day.

But when you're 16,000km from home, family and friends, and the people your relying on to somewhat replace them, tell you that it's simply not working and they don't want you anymore... It means something completely different.

Especially when you then have to spend the next 8 hours or so driving "home" across Europe in what is bound to be terribly awkward silence/pretending to sleep.

This was something I wrote in a draft for a blog post on Monday the 15th August.

Let me give a small explanation. My wonderful brother Tim finally came to Austria at the very beginning of July - and the Summer holidays! We had a wonderful and interesting two weeks together, and it really made me realise how much I've learnt and changed over here, and how much stronger I've become. His girlfriend Anna then joined us for a few days, which were spent wonderfully and amusingly together in Vienna. I might elaborate on that some other time. The rest of the holidays I mostly spent in Germany travelling with the two of them to relatives and friends - most of whom I had never met. I was really lucky to be able to travel and see them (something the organisation normally doesn't allow) and I'm so happy I got to learn more about my past! All up we spent around three weeks travelling - in Seligenstadt (near Frankfurt, where we also spent a day), Dresden, and then a few days in Berlin. I adore Germany and am so proud to be a part of the country. 

We departed our ways, Tim flying to London for his Topdeck tour and Anna to Brussels to (again) reunite with her friends. After spending a few more days in Dresden, I travelled back up to Magdeburg to stay with my host grandparents and family for a few days. By the end of such a crazy month and a half of holidays, I was ready to get back to Vienna, my home, and have a few weeks of silence before school started. However, on that Monday (15th), the day I came back from Germany with my host parents, my host mum told me that they weren’t willing to host me anymore. To be totally honest, it was an immense surprise. There had been a number of problems throughout my time staying here - misunderstandings and things I will elaborate on momentarily, and a couple of bigger things.

So that's where that first paragraph comes in. Nine (host mum) could definitely have chosen better timing - but! Such is life.

So, I was very distressed and felt very unsupported. My counsellor in the organisation (who didn't do anything in the first place) had left the country, so I had no one to ring, and couldn't ring the office because it was a public holiday.  8 hours in a car. Not fun.

Over the next week, the exchange organisation and I spoke with my host family, who decided they were actually willing to continue hosting me, but on numerous conditions (which were mostly pretty reasonable).

I had a decision to make. What would I do? Stay with this host family after all, after being battered with all the things I'd done wrong? Go to yet another new family and start all over again, just for another couple of months - by the end of which I would have only just gotten comfortable - and then have to leave anyway? Or should I go straight home? Should I travel around a little? Should I move to Germany with my sister's old host family? Should I get I job somewhere here?

To be honest I was totally exhausted. It was a huge and horrible decision to have to make and at points I just wanted to put a hose in my ear and wash out all the thoughts. After talking with numerous family members (host and real), the organisation, and a couple of friends, I decided to go off program and come home in a couple of weeks. There are many many reasons, but the funny thing is, I'm not even that homesick anymore. Yes I miss home, but I know that I could stay here and manage. I really love my host family here A LOT, but I think it's just too hard for them to host a student anymore, and they have enough troubles of there own - as do I. Every hour I changed my mind. I don't know that I can go into many more details here though. I knew that whichever option I decided to chose, I would probably regret at some point because that's just the person I am, and I have far too many thoughts.

All I really wanted was to be happy again, because it's been such a tough year so far, but also an unbelievably AMAZING one. I have learnt more than I ever thought possible and I feel inspired and in awe with the world (once more :P )

I've had a lot of feelings and emotions this year. I've been through a lot, but I've learnt so much. In some ways I am ashamed of myself, because I had thought I would do so much "better", but I need to be proud of the things I've done. One of the things my host mum said was "You can't change the past, but you can use it to change the future." It was so much of a surprise coming here to Austria, which felt kind of strange because I'd been planning to come for so long. Since my sister Claire went on exchange 4 years ago, I knew that was what I wanted to do but I'd slowly built up expectations which I hadn't even realised were there. I've changed a lot since the first time I even THOUGHT about going on exchange, and I think had I gone a few years earlier it may have gone more smoothly, but I don't think I would have learnt as much.

One of the things that Nine mentioned I had a problem with, was that I was like a shadow, trying not to get in anyone's way. I can see exactly where she's coming from now, because a lot of the time, that's really what I was. I said that I'd never thought of myself, I'd never BEEN, that person before I came here, and I was sure she'd seen glimpses of the "normal me" (which she agreed she had). I just had so much trouble trying to live two lives and try and satisfy basically everyone but myself that I forgot to BE myself. It was hard to try and be "the real me" when I felt that everything that I comprised of I'd left on the other side of the world. I know that this really isn't the case, and in some ways I'm disappointed in the way that things turned out - that I haven't "finished" my exchange year and that I could have done so much "better". It was nothing at all as to what I expected. But I have to say - I think it was so much better. Geez it was harder than a diamond, but I think it was one in itself.

Yesterday I had a really long conversation with Nine (as in - about 4 hours). I gave her some of myself which I just felt like I haven't given before now, and had I been willing to earlier, than maybe it wouldn't have turned out this way (but I think it needed to). We talked about lots of things - I was the one mostly talking (about myself) - about every aspect of my exchange, about how I felt, about coming here, about expectations and disappointments and my way to reacting to everything, about my childhood and my different states of mind that I put myself into (i.e. DON'T BE SELF-PITYFUL - there are a lot of people who love me, and I know it. And also caring too much about what others think), and where that all originates from. It was really interesting and enjoyable, and I'm so happy that I'll be able to leave on a positive note.
 

I'm sure you guys'll understand. I know that my decision might be a surprise to some and not at all to others, but I just want to say:

Instead of looking back and wishing I could go back in time to be back with my host families, I want to find a different way for them to fit in with my life now, and in the future. The eight months I've spent here have been amazing. It was nothing I expected it to be, and everything I needed it to be. I know a lot of exchange students who have said they would go back and relive it all if they just had the chance - that it's the hardest thing ever to leave again. It's hard admitting through so much... pressure in a way - to have a good time and love every minute - to say that it wasn't always the best and I am looking forward to going home. I've done amazing things, met amazing people and - there was a great quote I found earlier in the year, which is:

I met a lot of people in Europe. I even encountered myself. - James Baldwin

And I believe it's true. But just because I'm going home doesn't mean I'm finished. I’m going to use everything about this year to help me to continue growing and changing as a person. Austria and Germany will always a part of me. It's in my blood! Being an exchange student is an amazing thing. But if you’ve followed my blog throughout this year, you know it’s not always easy. I have been challenged, angry, hurt, annoyed, in so many situations. But I can safely say, it’s a million percent worth it. 

I still want to share the experiences I had here with you. So maybe someday soon I'll come back here and tell you some stories. But for now, I'm so excited about what the future will bring.

Tim, Anna and I in Frankfurt

Anna, Tim and I in front of the Berlin Wall. Amazing. It will happen again some day.

On Being An Exchange Student

Yay!! I'm turning into a stereotypical exchange student and running out of time/motivation to write my blog as frequently as I think I should! Of course, this is a wonderful thing, meaning I am living more in the 'real world' here rather than pining after and trying to please everyone at home, but it's also rather frustrating, because there's always that thing at the back of my mind niggling at me saying... "You really should be writing that blog post instead of reading/watching movies/sewing/playing with the kids/exploring Vienna/writing letters and emails/etc." But I know that really these things I spend mostof my time doing are MOST DEFINITELY the most important parts of my exchange and I should be doing them. But of course I feel guilty for not being Superwoman and making the time to write.

I've been rather busy since I last wrote but I don't want to reflect over every single little detail of what I did (eg. I went here with these people and it was fun and then we did this and that etc.) so I'll just say: I've been shopping a few times (shopping in Vienna can be lots of fun, although can also be VERY expensive - which I try my best to avoid), I've been out with a bunch of other exchange students a few times, I've had a couple of concerts for band and also one for school, and I've been on a big hiking trip with another couple exchange students! Plus of course the ever-impending school - but on a happy note there: THIS WEEK IS THE LAST WEEK BEFORE TWO MONTHS OF HOLIDAYS!! And from Monday to Wednesday I'll be going on a camp (to Gallien [yes I know all the info's in German, but you get the general idea]), which will hopefully give me the chance to finally become closer to some of my classmates outside of a school environment. Which reminds me - I really need to write about my CURRENT school. Oh well. Sometime...

Anyway, this really was just a short post to let you know I'm alive and happy and busily spending my life as an exchange student. I'll leave you with a number of photos of my family :)

Me being squashed by Theo (and Carl)

This is what baking is about really...

Super roller-blading Mum! - Along the Danube

The gorgeous Freya

The boys (Theo, Carl) - we go for bike rides together in the forest (this is on the way)

Child's fashion

Like Father, like son?

Just an average story-time... :)

One Third and Kroatien

To put it simply, I've been flat out busy for the last month and a half (or so...). The four month mark has officially come and gone and it's incredible to think I've already spent a third of a year in Austria! It's funny looking back remembering being amazed at reaching simply four WEEKS in Austria. This past month has flown. It hasn't really felt like it while I've been living them, but looking back they have! One of the main reasons for this is because I've had things to constantly keep me going, to look forward to. I haven't had a free weekend (with just the family, chilling at home) for 6 weeks which is the main reason I haven't written more here. It turns out that quite a few people actually read my blog (as in not just my family!) and I've had quite a few compliments about photos and information and writing. I am shocked but also immensely grateful about them all (and feel pressured more than ever to do a good job...)! Thank you! But more thoughts later. For now I want to tell you about my trip to Croatia. For those who hadn't heard, my host family and I travelled to Croatia for the Easter long weekend. IT WAS AWESOME!!!!! Four days definitely wasn't long enough to spend there, but I relished them immensely.

Early on Good Friday morning (literally - about 5am) we all packed into the car to just casually drive to Croatia... We stopped somewhere in the middle of Slovenia to have breakfast and then kept on going. I was kind of worried about what it would be like with such very young kids for a 6 1/2 hour drive, but I was very pleasantly surprised at how well they behaved themselves! There was no fighting, hitting or screaming, very little whinging and crying and quite a lot of silence! I remember car trips from when I was that young; they always seemed to take FOREVEEEER and there was lots of noise and singing and squabbling and unrest. But these kids were great! Our desitination was the island of Krk just off the coast, and on there, a tiny little town perched on a rocky outcrop called Vrbnik.

Finally we got there. After a quick lunch, we all went down to the beach (except Georg) and spent hours down there. It was awesome for me to be back at the water again. Even though it wasn’t anything like an Aussie beach (no waves, no sand) and even though I don’t normally live on the coast - I miss it! The sun was shining, the birds were singing, the beach was clean and the water was FREEZING. We amused ourselves by skipping rocks, climbing along the rocks, lying in the sun and attempting to catch fish and shrimps with Carl’s net. Walking around in the water your feet get numb, and if you stand still for long enough, a shrimp may find a resting spot on your foot. I managed to ‘catch’ a beautiful little red sea urchin, much to the enjoyment of the kids (including myself!). It is just an incredible beach. The water is so picturesquely blue and clear, and the ocean is so silent.

How deliciously wonderful!

Part of our 'beach'

Carl's occupation for the weekend

We eventually went back up to the apartment because everyone was hungry and we had heard there was an Easter procession on that evening. We went and had delicious and HUGE pizzas, and something I found really interesting was the fact that the waiter could speak Croation, English, German and Italian. You certainly don’t find service like that in Australia! It’s so normal for people to speak at least two languages here though. Europeans are cool. And have really, really good language education (which Australia really should learn from…). After dinner we walked to the Parish Chapel of St. John, a 14^th century stone Church, where the Good Friday Easter service was being held. The church was absolutely packed out, but somehow people still kept managing to squeeze in there or just stood outside waiting. I was cautious going in because I was honestly felt a little guilty because I thought maybe it was more important for someone to take the place I would stand in, but I decided it was an once-in-a-lifetime opportunity so I may as well. Turned out that although the church was really full, there was just a bit of congestion right at the back, so I got a nice place and didn’t feel like I was in the way.

The church service was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever experienced – I literally cried I was touched so much. I’ve never been to a Catholic church service before, and so that was really interesting in itself, but the fact that it was in Croation, in this incredible old stone church and the whole town was there, made it even better. Their praise and love of God was so strong. They all sang in their rich, Croation, incredible perfect harmonies filling this church on a hill with sound, love and hope. I can’t explain how moved I was by it all. Croatian is such a beautiful language, which I would really love to learn! After about an hour of standing inside enraptured in the spectacle, I decided to go back outside to see what the rest of my family were doing. Georg had already taken the boys home because the whole service ran a LOT longer than anyone expected, but Nine and I stayed around with Freya waiting for the procession to start. Soon enough it did. Hundreds of (very brown!) men and women came filing out of the church all singing. Priests and young boys with candles and crosses, then we walked around the tiny, narrow, cobblestone streets, winding between houses and gardens in the calm dusky evening. We got back reasonably late, but it was definitely worth it. It was an incredible day. Here's a bit I filmed of the procession. I LOVE the singing.

Saturday was another long, exhausting, beautiful day. I woke up at 6 to Carl bawling his eyes out at something, and it felt like FOREVER before he stopped but it was probably only a few minutes. Eventually I got up, had breakfast and got ready to face the day! That day we decided to try and find another beach not too far away.

I was absolutely captivated by the sea in Croatia. I’ve never seen the ocean so calm – such an expanse of water so calm. The ocean is wild and rough. Unforgiving, deep, terrifying. The profound quietness and calm of the ocean there is almost unimaginable. And the incredible blues and greens. I can’t describe the beauty of it. It’s just unbelievable! Of course I love the Australian oceans too. For a start we have actual sand. The beaches on Krk consist of beautiful bleached white, pink and orange rocks, but they can be REALLY painful on your feet! The beach for me has always meant waves, sand and wind. But I love it all.

LOVE

So, we spent the morning on the beach, which would have been lovely and still had there not been singing, whinging, shouting, crying children! But the sun was out and the water was cool (i.e. FREEZING) so that made it kind of bearable. After our little picnic lunch we went into town to have an ice cream and a wander. The more I see of Europe the more amazed I am! It’s just like in all the pictures! I guess I should know that it really looks like that, but to see it all with my own eyes is so much more incredible. Vrbnik is set on the hilly cliffs with nothing flat except the ocean. It’s a gorgeous little town with ups and downs, the amazing water, tiny narrow streets, gorgeous gardens and moody houses with cracked walls, tiny doors and stray cats. Perfect. Sometimes I find it hard experiencing all these amazing things ‘on my own’. I want to be able to tell someone everything that comes into my head, to be able to take spontaneous adventures and be able to look back with someone and say ‘Oh do you remember that one time in Croatia…’ but in a way that’s what I have this blog for! To share my adventures with you for an audience who actually has a choice as to whether they want to hear it or not!!

The narrowest alley we could find and a typical door

Easter Sunday. A day I thought was going to be dreadfully hard, but it was one of my best days this year. For the last couple of years for Easter, my brother, sister and I, along with a bunch of friends, volunteer at the National Folk Festival in Canberra for 4-5 days, filled with IMMENSE fun, memories, excitement, music, food, folk and camping. It is the highlight of my year. Of course this year I missed it, but I’ve realised now that was ok. I was in Croatia having the time of my life with another beautiful family.

I was woken up early by Carl and instantly remembered the overwhelming excitement getting up early for Easter would always give me. Got to be honest though, it still really excites me! We went straight outside to search for real eggs, chocolate eggs and bunnies, and presents! I felt so incredibly lucky and loved. My Mama had sent an AMAZING rocky road egg (rocky road doesn’t exist in Europe!!), Nine’s parents gave me some chocolates, Georg’s a lovely German children book, and Nine and Georg (slash the Easter Bunny) gave me a pair of ROLLER BLADES. HOW COOL IS THAT?! It seems to be pretty normal to give kids presents at Easter here (something I’ve discussed with other people here!) which was nice but certainly something I’m not used to! Theo got a pair too, and Nine had brought Carl’s with, so in a big hurry straight after breakfast, off we went.

View of Vrbnik from one side of our balcony

Sunday morning. A beautiful view and a beautiful breakfast!

It doesn’t help that we were staying in an apartment right on top of one of the hills. The view was worth if, but trying to roller blade down a steep hill (with cliffs and an ocean at the bottom) for the first time in years was HILARIOUS to say the least. I felt so immensely uncoordinated and if I’m going to be honest, I may have fallen over a couple of times… I had to get Georg to hold my hand! However eventually I got a little more confident and was soon off on my own, chasing after the kids. I have SO much more respect for actual skaters *Damiano*.

The rest of the day spent in Krk – the main town on the island. I spent about an hour trying to catch fish with Carl in his net, then we all went and had ice-cream for lunch! We wandered around the town and I found a cute touristy shop where I bought some GORGEOUS little hand made ceramic houses, which I just had to buy.

Someone else couldn't think of a better way to spend their Easter!

Offshore

A rather common occurance. I love it!

My family was really patient with me and waited around outside while I was looking. When I came out again, Georg and Carl were running around playing soccer with Freya’s ball, so I joined in having a lot of fun - the most fun I’d had in ages! It’s the little things! Eventually after more walking and eating, we went back ‘home’ and had a beautiful dinner of pizza in an incredible restaurant balancing on the edge of a cliff. It was a lovely day. Something, which really struck me that day, was the power of language. A lot of the people we met on the island spoke German. It made me realise how my German’s coming along and it felt like I was really putting it to a practical use. It’s interesting trying to talk to people in your second language when it’s their second language too, but your only form of communication.

I wrote this in my diary that evening:

“I’m here sitting on the balcony with Georg. We’ve been sitting here on the couch for the last half an hour (it’s now 10pm) reading/sewing, drinking wine, and now I’m writing. It's all pretty quiet. No traffic, the sea is mirror-still, occasional dog barking, people singing in the distance. You look out into this immense darkness. There are no stars and no reflections in the inky water – even with the lights of a distant town sparkling on the hill. The church steeple is lit up tonight – a soft green, the highest point you can see. The air is clean and sweet and radiates calm.”

Our view from dinner (we were eating on the terrace outside)

The last full day in Croatia was another good day, but kind of felt like a dream coming to an end; wanting to catch those last fleeting thoughts and escape reality for just that tiny bit longer. I was woken to the sound of roller blades thumping up and down the hallway, children crying and the usual chaos. I have SO MUCH RESPECT for my parents. How does someone put up with so much silliness?! No wonder parents are such big fans of peace and quiet! After breakfast I went down to the marina with Carl to do some more fishing even though I didn’t particularly feel like it (I bend under his every whim!), though I ended up enjoying myself.  We caught some shrimps, I managed to catch a positively HUGE fish (about 15cm :P ) and we saw an awesome starfish which I almost trod on. Eventually we left (after a couple of hours!) and walked up one of the hills looking out to beautiful views. I take far too many photos.

The Marina

View from someone's vege patch at the top of the hill. Jealous!!!

After lunch the whole family (even Georg!!) went down to the beach for the last time. It was beautiful (again), and after throwing and skipping stones and building towers, Carl and I decided to go SWIMMING! I decided to look for a place where I could just jump right in because I knew if I’d tried to walk in from the beach, apart from being painful and slimy, I would probably give up because I would only be able to take one step at a time. Let me tell you one thing. That water is COLD. It averages about 18˚ in Spring, 8˚ in Winter and 28˚ in Summer. That is a BIG difference.  But I always go swimming at the beach, no matter what the season (unless it’s dangerous… or maybe the Baltic Sea in the middle of Winter…). So I found myself a rock to jump off and after a lot of deliberating I decided it was ‘now or never’ and dived in. OH MY GOODNESS IT WAS FREEZING. I promptly went very red and very numb. However it was one of the most worthwhile things I’ve ever done. I was clever enough to bring my goggles with me. Fish, water, colours, sun. It was incredible. I dived down and the first thing I saw was hundreds of blue sea cucumbers which were actually kind of scary until I remembered they couldn’t do anything to me. I made some fishy friends – silver fish with a black spot on their tails which wouldn’t swim away. Blue and yellow striped fish. Big fish, small fish, lots of slimy white and green rocks. I felt like there should have been a shipwreck down there for me to explore! It was magnificent. And cold. So I got out after not all that long and lay in the sun until it crept behind the impending clouds, when we went back to the apartment and roller bladed on the balcony, played memory, and I read in very valuable silence while Nine took Freya for a walk and I had managed to distract the boys with doodle jump on my iPod. Finally it was bedtime. Finally it was really silent.

Last sunset off the balcony

Vrbnik is a beautiful, beautiful town. Narrow alleys, cobble stones, stairs, little doors and tunnels, chiming bell towers and that medieval history, all perched precariously on a high cliff top looking out to the bluest ocean you will ever see. From now on I will try my best to convince everyone to go there.

It was sad to be going back home. And that’s how I’ve been thinking of it lately. Home. I have two homes now. I have two families, two lives, two homes. Some days I never want to leave and can’t think of any reasons to. Others, all I want to do is get a hug from Mama, play a game with Tim, talk nonsense with Claire or garden with Dada. Having two lives is a struggle, but in a way I know I’m the only one making it that way.

Eighteen

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

To me! Two weeks ago it was my 18th birthday. To be honest I had been dreading this day as well as the Easter long weekend, basically the whole time I've been here. I mean - my 18th birthday! You only turn 18 once... I was also dreading the fact that I would have to spend it away from my twin brother. This year has been hard enough already without him and having a birthday (let alone a 'big' one) just seemed impossible... But, I actually had a wonderfully pleasant surprise and had a really lovely day - probably one of the best I've had here yet! I will start at the very beginning though, because I had a few celebratory days. The first letters started arriving a week before my birthday, and letters are the best. There's something completely wonderful about receiving things in the mail. Knowing that the person you're corresponding with was the last person to touch what's inside that mysterious envelope. Well, that's how I find it at least :) 

On Friday the 15th of April I had band as usual. It was one of the other member's birthday as well, and so a whole heap of us went to a local Heuriger (like a little traditional wine-tavern: they're EVERYWHERE in my area) and had a couple of drinks and nibblies. It was lovely to celebrate his birthday and mine as well (early!) and I ended up getting home about 12 - REALLY LATE. I get so tired here, so it was difficult and a really long day. It was nice to be out with people though.

On Monday (18th) Spring holidays started (YAAAAAAAAAY), and I caught up with the other 2 Aussie exchange students for a wonderful day in Vienna. Katherine was staying over at Jess's house for a few days, so I met up with them and it was just so wonderful to see them and to be able to talk to people and just have some good Aussie fun and company. We met on Mariahilfe Straße which is the main (or most well-known) shopping street in Vienna and has quite a nice variety of shops. We each bought some new clothes for ourselves (because you can't bring enough clothes in your suitcase to last a year!), wandered slowly, had lunch and gelatos and went to 'Thaila' the big international bookshop. AKA my new best friend. It's SUCH a good bookshop and has a huge English section, as well as a really comprehensive German section. We probably spent about an hour in there reading and it was just nice to sit down with a book with friends in companionable silence. From there we moved on to the highlight of my day: the Aussie pub in Vienna!!

We walked in, and everything's decorated with Aussie road signs and things and of course lots of beer signs. Especially for Fosters which for some reason everyone thinks we drink, but no one actually does... Here's the website if you want to check out more about it! Anyway. We went downstairs and sat at a table, generally admiring the Aussieness of it all and being bubbly and happy. Because I was the birthday girl, Jess and Katherine really kindly bought me my drinks and dinner which made me feel very special and happy! Everything was pretty overpriced and the waiters were all American or British, but we had a lot of fun and were very loud and raucous nonetheless. 

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Jess's kangaroo burger! Yay for good Aussie burgers, but ESPECIALLY the chips!

Jess, me and Katherine digging into my birthday cake :)

We ordered one slice of "Grandma's Mud Cake" because we were so stuffed after our burgers that we couldn't eat one each! The waitress brought it out with a FIREWORK CANDLE (it literally said that on it!) which was shooting flames everywhere, and was honestly the best birthday candle I've ever seen. Jess and Katherine sang happy birthday to me VERY LOUDLY and then we dug in. It was lovely to have a loud, honest catch-up with some friends.

On Wednesday was my actual birthday.

I was woken up about 7.30am to my WHOLE host family opening the door and walking into my room singing happy birthday carrying a cake aflame with candles and with Georg toting the camera. It was a little overwhelming but so lovely! They made me blow out the candles then we all went down to have a lovely breakfast.

Super delicious cake with German, Aussie and Austrian flags on :)

On the small table in the kitchen was sitting all my cards and presents. From Omas and Opas, a huge parcel from my family, from friends and from my last host family. I was really overwhelmed then, and I wasn’t quite sure what to do first – breakfast or pressies! But Nine seemed pretty keen for me to open things. I started opening cards and just felt so sprinkled with love it was unbelievable. I was especially in awe and SO happy at the present my host family gave me – a ticket to the Ballet at the Viennese State Opera House, plus a pair of earrings, plus what we did for the rest of the day AND just hosting me in the first place. I feel so blessed to have such loving, kind and genorous people as a family here! After breakfast I skyped home and was lucky enough to speak to my whole family and wish Tim a happy birthday, for 1 hour 20 mins. It was amazingly wonderful and just reminded me again why I love them so much. I unpacked my big parcel over the phone, which included practical things like more Summer clothes, but also some really special things just for me :) Gotta love the amazing technologies we have these days!

While on the phone the door bell rang so I went down to get it. It was the post for me!! The post man had a HUGE bunch of flowers for me which I had to sign for. I was absolutely captivated. Who would be sending me flowers in Austria? I went inside and unwrapped them, and inside was a card from two of my BESTEST FRIENDS! It made me feel so so so loved! So I proudly showed my family over Skype. After hanging up, I went out with Nine and Freya for the day (Theo had kindergarten, Carl soccer camp and Georg work). We went to Schönbrunn Palace which is the former Imperial Summer Residence for the monarchy in Austria. It has over 1400 rooms (although we only looked in 40...) and it is completely over the top and AMAZING. It really made me want to become a conservator or historian more than ever and just blew me away with the depth of history and culture.

Grounds of Schönbrunn

Me on the stairs - just for a bit of perspective

The lines were reasonably long (although not too much so - we only had to wait half an hour) because it was an absolutely gorgeous Spring day and so there were a lot of tourists. We had a little time to wander around, and luckily enough there was an Easter market in the grounds of the castle. Every time I go out and see a bit more of Vienna I realise how much more there still IS to see and that there's a surprise waiting for you around every corner! I've always loved markets so I was really happy to be able to look around a traditional Austrian one. There were stalls selling all kinds of things, from traditional kids toys, pottery, hand-painted hand-blown eggs, dumplings, wood crafts, beeswax, and books.

One of the bright, colourful toy stores!

Beautiful hand-painted Austrian porcelain.

After the tour (which was mind-blowing) we had a yummy lunch bought from the market. I realised something which amused me - one of those little ways I've changed. I was sharing my food with Freya, just a fork-full here and there, and I suddenly thought how different I was. At the beginning of my exchange I would never have thought of doing that, but after so long it just came naturally - that's just the way it is! Then we did lots of walking through the palace gardens (which are GINORMOUS and beautiful).

Spring!!

Eventually we left to pick up Theo from kindergarten and Carl from soccer and I was feeling really happy about the day. We went home and ate my delicious cake outside in the garden in the beautiful Spring sunshine with a lovely cool breeze. I ended up lazing around outside for hours, eating, laying in the hammock, listening to music, sewing. That's what life's really about I think and it was nice having my birthday in Spring as oppose to the normal Autumn. Eventually Georg came home and we all got ready to go out for dinner.

Theo being a bit of a clown just outside the house before we left.

For dinner, at my request, we went to an Italian restaurant. There happens to be one just down the road so we walked there in the cool, dusky evening. The food was delicious and Nine and I reflected on our day with Georg and just talked about whatever. We left around 8.30 to go home which was pretty late for the kids. I raced Theo and Carl most of the way up the hill in high heels. It was good to find out I can still run in them but I was pretty stuffed! I love this family and I feel pretty happy most days when I'm with them. I just feel so comfortable and like we have just so much in common.

My table full of love. ♥ Cards and presents and FLOWERS(!!) galore :D 

So, I'm 18 now. Sometimes I feel different when I say that, but I'm sure that's just a mind thing. 18 used to be this huge incredible age. People who were 18 were adults; had maturity, responsibility, knowledge.  Sometimes my chest puffs up with the thought of myself being 18 but then I realise it's just an 'age' and doesn't mean anything. It doesn't mean I'm not still a kid, that I don't still love and adore my parents and value their opinion above anything else. That I don't still get sad and cry and hug my teddy. That i don't run around hills in Austria singing "The Hills Are Alive With The Sound Of Music" at the top of my lungs. And it definitely doesn't mean I know what I'm doing with my life and what direction it will take next. In fact, I think you're more sure of what you want to be when you're "grown up" as a child than you do when you actually "grow up". (I know I used to want to be a butterfly. Then a dancer. Then, then, then...) I'm still a kid. And I'm ok with that.

Deutschland!

I got a haircut! Yay!

In other news though (prepare for a long post!), over last weekend (From Friday 18th-Sunday 20th) I went on a trip to Germany with my host Papa Georg, Carl and Theo! So. We set off on Friday evening about 6.30pm in the miserable, cold rain. It had been miserable and raining for the last few days, and it wasn't any exception then! Driving, driving, driving. Our destination was Magdeburg - about an hour west of Berlin and the route we were to take was from Vienna, up through the Czech Republic, passing through Brno (or 'Brünn' in German) and Prague, then into Germany, passing through Dresden, Leipzig and then to Magdeburg! The drive took about 7 hours all up, but I love long car trips and it reminded me a lot of trips I would take with my family in Australia. There was rain in Austria, snow in Czech Republic, then by the time we got to Germany, the skies were clear. We listened to Dire Straights through the Czech Republic, then some golden oldies. Then Georg and I talked and talked about all kinds of things: language, Australia, Germany, animals, music, work... it was really great! The last hour of the trip we listened to The Cat Empire, which was nice but difficult because it reminded me of home (although it's getting better). We arrived at Oma Nate and Opa Thommy's house (My host Mum's parents), and were sent straight to bed.

Beautiful weather as you can see...!

Saturday was a lovely, amazing and difficult day. After stumbling downstairs I joined the rest of the family and we all had breakfast together. Really lovely and German: bread, honey, jam, salami, wurst, nutella and eggs. Very yum! Nine's parents were (and are) really lovely and welcoming. Then Georg took us kids (and himself) on another 45min drive or so to a little town called Miesterhorst, to celebrate Ur Oma Charlotte's 90th birthday (Georg's great-grandmother).

On the road... ACTUALLY beautiful weather!

We went to a little cafe just down the road, where I met what felt like relative after relative after relative! It wasn't too bad, and Georg's Dad helped me draw a family tree so I could figure out who was who and what each relation was! Nine (pronounced 'Nina' - my host Mum) had given me some homework to complete at the party: 'Familien Bingo'! I got a piece of paper with about 30 different questions on (all written in German) - such as "Who has two sons?" "Who flies planes?" "Who likes to drink whisky?" "Who used to raise pigeons?" "Who can milk cows?". I looked at it and was basically completely overwhelmed. What on Earth was I supposed to do!?! How could I find any of this out?! I would have to TALK to people and ASK them! Gah! So I had to ask around - mostly getting help from the same few people (Georg's brother and father, and one of the [many] Omas!). However everyone was willing and thought it was all great fun, and it was actually really good for me, because apart from having to actually talk to people and use my German, it meant that I now know who most of the family are, and a bit of trivia about each of them!

Ur Oma Charlotte with her children - Opa Norbert and Tante Anne. Cheers to 90!

Lunch was an excellent 3 course meal, and was followed by a very traditional German 'Kaffee und Kuchen' (Coffee and Cake), where there were literally about 10 different types of AMAZING, DELICIOUS, INCREDIBLE, WONDERFUL types of traditional German cakes. They were all made by the lovely old German women, and probably all delicious - but there are only so many slices of cake one can eat after a 3-course meal! It really inspired me though. I really want to be able to go back to Australia and cook amazing German cakes. I think I'll have to rope my own Mama and Oma to help me with this!!

'Frankfurter kranz' - i.e. the most delicious cake EVER. And coffee.

As the afternoon drew on, I got a little sad, because I was thinking so much about my OWN Oma and Opa. I was watching Theo and Carl playing and being doted on by all the Germans, doing the same things I did when I was little. It was really lovely to see, and I feel so special to be part of this family and experience it all, but it was also difficult in a lot of ways. I guess being here I've been forced to face all these things about nostalgia and growing up and changes, and it's a really hard thing to do. It's hard to deal with but I guess it all just boils down to time. This kind of change is inevitable, but it doesn't make it easy to face! I had a bit of a cry, and Georg took me outside and we had a little chat about everything, and he just gave me a big hug, which was just what I needed. It was lovely :)

After the lunch and afternoon tea - around 4.30, we (the whole family) all went back to the amazing house/farm where one of the relatives lives (one of the Oma's, but I'm not sure which one). We all sat down in the living room with the adults drinking champagne/beer/schnapps, and just talked. I understood quite a bit, but after a while you just kind of stop listening... Everyone was really nice, sometimes talking to me, and I got lots of hugs and love! It's amazing. I've instantly made a whole new family, and everyone was really accepting, and it was just a lovely feeling.

An Oma trying to get the birthday balloons through the door!

The really cool (and German!) house + old stables

In the 'garden', Carl (above) and Theo were playing on the hay rolls.

(Some of) My new family! Mark, Ur Oma Annemarie, Tanja, Tante Dirte, Me, Tante Anne and Oma Heidi.

At about 8pm, Georg took us back to Magdeburg, and we basically went straight to bed. I got a special treat just as I was getting into bed though - I had an AMAZING private firework show out my window a few houses away! The perfect ending to the day.

On Sunday, after having another lovely breakfast, I went for a short walk with Oma Nate, who told me some things about the area, how the Russians had occupied most of it until about 1993, and what life used to be like there. We walked along the 'Alte Elbe' river, and she told me about it flooding and other such things. It was really interesting hearing about the history from someone who had lived there and experienced it all.

A photo to start off the day! With Theo and Carl (front) Oma Nate, Me and Opa Thommy

We then ALL went into town to show me some sights of Magdeburg! First we went to one of Hundertwasser's buildings. Check out some of his architecture - It's REALLY COOL! This particular block of apartments is called the Grüne Zitadelle or Green Citadel and was the last of Hundertwasser's projects to be completed. There's a lot of his architecture around Austria (well, he's from here...) and I've seen two of his other works: the heating plant Fernwärmewerk Spittelau and Hundertwasser-Haus, both in Vienna. Talk about crazy and funky!

Old and New...

After wandering around there for a while, I went with Georg and Oma Nate to the Magdebuger Dom (Church) for a tour. It was really lovely to see, and very, very different to all the Catholic churches I have seen in Austria. It's plain, simple and bright, where as a lot of the Catholic churches are very dark and over-the-top, usually in a strong gothic style. The tour was in German, but Oma Nate (who is also a translator like Nine) translated for me, just for this time, which was lovely of her and meant I got a lot more out of the experience. I found the whole history of the church really interesting - like the over 2000 year old baptism font from Egypt, the intricate and beautiful alabaster carvings, the graves of Otto the First and his wife and a bishop or two. I was captivated by it all! Hearing all of this history is something really great, and makes me realise how totally different and unique Australia is. I could go on and on about this Church, but if you want more info you can check it out here and here! After the long (and kind of cold) tour, we went to pick up the boys and Opa Thommy.

The Dom and with the new organ.

View of the steeples from the courtyard

A (seemingly empty) typical cobble-stone street in Magdeburg

We went home and had lunch - Kartoffelpuffer mit Apfelmus (potato cakes with apple... mush... again very German!), then we eventually set off to ANOTHER Oma and Opa's house in Halle - about an hour's drive south. It was Ur Oma Ilse's 85th birthday, so guess what: we had MORE cake! After such a long and busy weekend, it was very overwhelming, and I was asked lots of questions, and my brain just wanted to stop thinking and escape for a while! Oma Heidi (Georg's Mum... see? SO MANY RELATIVES!) was really nice and gave me a heap of hugs and looked out for me. My new family are all so nice though!

Finally, we left again and started the long drive home. Along the Autobahn is very... exciting? One of the questions which I have been asked quite a few times is "What's the speed limit in Australia?" and I usually get a pretty amusing reaction! Everyone thinks is crazy that we can only travel (legally...) at most 110km/h (130km/h in some places in the Northern Territory), and when my previous host mother in Salzburg asked me, the response was something like: "110?!?! That's so slow! The speed limit's 130 in Austria, but that's too slow, so sometimes I go 160!" I laughed about that for so long. So yes. The speed limit is legally 130km/h in Austria, but rarely seems to be enforced, but in Germany on the Autobahn, there is often no speed limit at all! Very. Scary. I can now say I've been 185km/h in a car though (NOT the fastest car on the Autobahn at any rate), and I don't know that I need to do it again any time soon!

PROOF! Although, this was before we got to 185km/h...

We stopped just before Dresden in a petrol station/shop and had a big picnic. There was LOTS of food, as both the (main) Oma's had stocked us up, so we didn't buy anything - which was a good idea, because everything was SUPER overpriced. Totally to be expected though, because it was a bit of a tourist trap and one of the only shops for kilometres. We drove all the way home, listening to music of my choice (yay!), and it was all really nice. I had a super weekend!

And the weather the whole time we were there was LOVELY. This was as we were driving home on the Autobahn. What a sight!